More Than Gay: An Open Letter to the Questioning Christian

This is obviously available for anyone to read, but with this blog post, I really just wanted to share a few words for the questioning Christian. The Christian who is torn between their faith and their feelings. The Christian who has prayed for years for God to take away their attractions. The Christian who wants to serve God, but feels incapable of doing so because of their sexuality. The Christian who feels like they’re living a lie, trapped in their own guilt and despair. The Christian who is just trying to live their life.

I know what it’s like to walk in your shoes, and sometimes, it sucks. The inner turmoil, the feelings of shame, and the potential embarrassment if someone found out about you… it’s terrifying. I know what it’s like to want to tell your friends that you’ve been struggling with your identity, but to feel so afraid of what they might think of you based on their reactions to the LGBTQ+ community in the media. Some of you have already told a few people, and some of you haven’t even really told yourselves. You want to be more open, but if you talk to your loved ones, you feel like you’d only be seen as the “gay friend”; the outcast in the minds of your peers. And perhaps you’re conflicted because you don’t necessarily affirm same-sex relationships, but there’s a part of you that wonders if you’d be happier about your life if you were in one. Maybe you feel like God stopped listening. These are all heavy feelings, at times, too heavy to carry. But all of them are completely understandable. In fact, it’s actually quite normal for someone in your shoes to have these thoughts.

Maybe this all seems hopeless, but I promise you, there is hope. Regardless of the way you feel inside, you are a child of God. Yes, even you are a child of God. Through all of the pain, all of the confusion, the heartache, the unwanted attractions to close friends, the torture of silence, and the harmful words that have stuck to you like thumbtacks, you are a child of God. Remind yourself of that daily. God doesn’t look at you with shame. He will never abandon you for being attracted to another man or another woman. Even if you were to confide in a trusted friend and they completely disowned you, God would still be there, ready to wipe away every tear and bring restoration to your soul.

In addition to all of this, God is bigger than your questions, no matter how scary or difficult they may seem. By questioning your feelings and questioning what the Bible says about them, you are not less of a Christian. In fact, Proverbs 3:13 says, “Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding,”. How else does one gain understanding besides asking a question? Ask and let your questions bring you back to God. I cannot give you solid answers, because I’m still finding them for myself, but know that you are not condemned in this process. There is, after all, no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1).

God knows you. He knows where you’re at right now, and He knows the level of heartache you may feel. Hebrews 4:15 says that Jesus empathizes with our weaknesses because He, too experienced the same hardships. He was tempted in every way that we have been. Maybe this is uncomfortable to think about, but if that verse is true, then that means, yes, Jesus wrestled with His sexuality. It may seem like no one you know understands you, but the King of the Universe does, and even more than that, He was able to overcome the trials we face. He cares for you, and your pain causes Him pain. God isn’t shocked at your sexuality and He is certainly not afraid of it.

And maybe there are some you reading this thinking, “Well, I’ve been with a guy or a girl already, so God must be ashamed to call me His child.” No. While it’s true that God doesn’t desire for us to sin, His mercies are new every morning. You are not defined by sin. You’re not even defined by your sexuality. You are what God says you are, and God calls you redeemed. God calls you His friend. He calls you His child,  beloved, precious, and wonderfully made. God doesn’t count the number of sins you’ve committed, but He does count the number of hairs on your head. Repent and move on. And even if you need to repent a thousand times, God will look at you no differently than when you turned back to Him the first time.

Our culture is wrapped neatly in shame and guilt. If you’re not perfect, you’re shamed into thinking that you have to be what the world wants you to be, and then when you realize that you can’t meet that standard, you’re overwhelmed with regret. So in response, let me fill you with graceful words. God loves you even through your mess. You’re not terrible for having questions, and you’re not condemned because you find yourself attracted to someone of the same sex. Find peace. There is an abundance of it waiting for you in Christ. Even when the world has told you that God hates you, or that He’s not worth your time, please remember that you are loved- deeply loved. Nothing can take that away.


“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39.



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